it's almost may news from the YLBBBHQ

since my lists for the newsletter seem to get mysteriously (or maybe not so mysteriously) omitted from time to time, i thought i'd just share the latest one here, which yes, was mysteriously omitted. nothing you haven't seen in the right column.

Reading
The Drama Issues 4 & 5
McSweeney's Issue 15
The Lost Legends of New Jersey - Frederick Reiken
Running With Scissors - Augusten Burroughs

Listening
Prospect Hummer EP - Animal Collective ft. Vashti Bunyan (Fat Cat)
Gary Cohen/Howie Rose (660AM, WFAN)
The Sunset Tree - The Mountain Goats (4AD)
Sleater-Kinney - The Woods (Sub Pop)
Vox Trot

Watching
Project Greenlight - Season Three (Bravo)
Hemo the Magnificant (DVD)
Super Milk Chan (Adult Swim/Cartoon Network)
Home Movies (Adult Swim/Cartoon Network)

advanced swimmers only

i can't swim. the first 5 years in the suburbs, we lived in an apartment building with a pool. my brother became an excellent swimmer. i think i was holed up in my room reading beverly clearly books. at summer camp in the second grade, i earned my beginner swimmer patch but i think they gave those out to anyone who would go into the water. my mother learned to swim in her 40s for crissakes! but i can not swim, the main problem being that i can not float. i have tried and i just can't. this doesn't really have to do with anything, but i just wanted to share a swimming anecdote before i went on about my new favorite block of television, adult swim.

i currently love three programs that are part of adult swim: home movies, super milk chan and robot chicken. i stumbled upon an episode of super milk chan one night when listmaker was probably playing poker and i had control of the television late at night. i have been a fan of the japanese character cause who wouldn't love drooling cutesy 5 year olds who scream "you dumbass!" at their antiquated pet robots and spineless landlords. if you look closely at the collection of junk that sits atop our trio of cd shelves, you'll see a super milk chan figure or two. the show is indescribably weird. i'm not sure if it's because of what was lost in translation in the english dubbing process or if the show is really just that insane, but i'm banking on a combination of both. trolling the SMC message boards, it seems like i am in the minority. adult swim purists are pissed off that this show gets air time. did i mention that the characters have glandular and drooling problems?

ok, from left to right. dr. eyepatch. this guy is super scary and has a funny voice. he helped milk chan when she wanted a machine to make the world's best riceballs. next is robodog, who has not really been a factor in the episodes i've seen so far.
then it's the adorable milk chan - she is bad. she is like the 5 year old girl anime version of my dog hamachi, very naughty, but oh so cutie pie. on her head is hanage. we never see him talk, but we hear his inner monologues. he seems very very sad. the dude with the broom and the knobby head is the president! he is always sweating and has flies buzzing around him constantly. the big eyed robot is the obsequious tetsuko - she takes a lot of grief from milk chan. the eunuch raver at the end is lalo, milk chan's landlord who has never managed to get her to pay rent! and by bizarre, i mean like on the last episode i watched, milk and tetsuko were watching a reality show called "storm poor people's dinners" or something like there where a perky host would invade a homeless family's meal and make fun of their food! oh my god.

then there's home movies, which i started watching with listmaker, after he had been tipped off by alex j. i don't know who this brendon small is, but he is a genius and i hope he is currently employed. just like super milk chan, home movies is centered around a kid - in this case, 8 year old brendon (named after the creator!). he likes to make movies with his best friends sassy melissa and nasally jason. this last episode was amazing. brendon, melissa and jason start a band and write a noise-rock anthem "freaky outtie". neighborhood hesher duane enters a guitar lixx contest but has to borrow brendan's beat up guitar because his own axe has been confiscated by his leisure suit wearing father after a not-so-hot report card shows up. oh and then there's the ubiquitous coach who is always seen giving brendon terrible advice or getting drunk. it's just hilarious seeing these 3rd graders talk and act like adults, but not really adults, you know?

i just watched my first episode of robot chicken, which is what prompted me to write this. each episode is only 15 minutes long, but i'm already hooked. i will admit, i was a little disappointed in the stereotypical asian jokes (it's only 15 minutes seth green, can you be a little more original?), but was overall very pleasantly surprised this live-action/claymation/action figure show. and i loved the references to midnight madness, one of my favorite movies of all time!!!

oh and wasn't tonight's episode of gilmore a dandy? i love luke and sookie banter. just love it! to quote paquette the younger, "more please!" that line about being in a bizarro episode of the amazing race - too clever for its own good. and the portuguese nanny - we thought we'd never see her again! how many more episodes do we have!?!!!?

vote for pedro

nike ran an television spot a few years ago which enraptured me. it featured a little boy running through the streets of, presumably, his town in the dominican republic. when he gets home, he tapes a newspaper article from the sports pages onto his bedroom wall and breathlessly exhales, "pedro." he says it in a tone that combines reverence, incredulity and wonder. so yes, i know the 2005 baseball season is still young but new met pedro martinez's performance has me saying his name the same way. there is not need for other words to describe him, just pedro is enough.



at a mets game last week, listmaker suggested martinez go by one name, a la ichiro. i couldn't agree more. he's pitching tomorrow so i probably jinxed him.

in your world I have no meaning, though I'm trying hard to understand

after a hiatus that lasted way too long and plunged me into deep depression and xenophobia, gilmore girls was finally back last night with a FRESH episode. during this break a new pope was appointed, baseball returned to our nation's capital and my hay fever started acting up like a mudderfadder.

nothing makes me happier than knowing i'll get to spend some quality time with my stars hollows gang. while i was so relieved they were back in my life at first, i wound up with conflicting feelings by the time they left. i'm not sure if i enjoyed their visit. in fact, i'm a little angry they made me wait so long...and for this? when townie andrew walks by and says he has to catch a freshep of 'summerland,' sure, i giggled. i'm not one to thumb my nose down at meta-irony. that scene with paris (did she shrink over the hiatus, btw), kirk, rory and lorelei in the kitchen? absolutely precious. i couldn't stop laughing despite the absurdity of it. zach hiding from lane cause bluegrass is not rock and roll - adorable (though we all know lane is way more adorable with 4 eyes instead of 2). ok so that was all and well, but what i couldn't deal with was non-grumpy luke. he was too damn happy throughout and i just wasn't having any of it.

we all know luke has a heart of gold underneath that flannel and would do anything for his sweets lorelei, but his exurberance over lorelei's inn being the focus of a magazine piece strucks me as a little excessive. he nearly jumped out of his workboots fawning over lorelei. i know, i know, this is all setting us up for some grande finale where luke will probably propose so they can live happily ever after in that gorgeous house that once belonged to old man whatshisname who passed away during the scene before the opening credits, but it's just not what i was expecting.

ok and what was up with fetus-face crying on her mother's lap in the bathroom moaning, "why doesn't he like me?" do i really need to spell it out for you lorelei leigh gilmore the second? and was sookie drunk during the entire episode? did she really like the diorama? and when will taylor doose be outed? have you ever wondered why doose is pronounced do-see and not doo-see? I have! and what was up with jared padelecki's hair. it was so feathered! i did like the "you're just a townie just like me" twist but didn't we cover this already?

one thing i really thought was funny were those shirts taylor made the museum staff wear. they all put the shirts on over their existing clothes! did anyone else laugh at that?

fiberglass unchi and elephant underwear

listmaker and i took advantage of the beautiful weather on saturday to brave the borough of manhattan. we set out in search of elephant underwear, a new public sculpture from the godfather of the superflat movement, takashi murakami. while murakami may be credited for the overall concept of elephant underwear, the trio of art was actually created by one of his artists, chinatsu ban.





we weren't surprised to see that one of the elephants had already been defaced by someone trying to make a political statement about iraq. listmaker took pictures and i'm sure he'll put them up soon. i couldn't stop laughing at this one little boy who sat atop unchi and threw a crying fit as he refused to get off it. after a few more minutes we headed over to the japan society, where a murakami curated exhibit called "little boy" was taking place.

you're greeted by a small wall of pachinko machines when you enter the japan society. the clanging of hundreds of tiny metal balls is an odd contrast to the overall serenity of the room. the exhibit was on the second floor and was on the small side. although time out new york had listed "little boy" as costing $5, it turned out to be a $12 entry fee for a collection that took us all but 30 minutes to check out. it certainly makes the moma's admission fee of $20 seem like a bargain! there were some great pieces though - like a trio of yoshitomo nara scuptures and display of old advertising toys from the collection of the renowned teruhisa kitahara. perhaps one day my meager collection will rival his.

there were also two great paintings from chinatsu ban, our favorite being "elephant underpants vs. apple half."

jumping ship

it worked for apes. if i do the same, will it work for me?

don't go breaking my heart

Don't go breaking my heart
I couldn't if I tried
Ah, honey, if I get restless
Baby, you're not that kind

Don't go breaking my heart
You take the weight off of me
Ah, honey, when you knock on my door
Ooh, I gave you my key

Ooh-hoo, and nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Ooh-hoo, and nobody knows it
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
Ooh-hoo.. I gave you my heart

So don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my heart

And nobody told us
`Cause nobody showed us
And now it's up to us, babe
Ooh I think we can make it

So don't misunderstand me
You put the light in my life
Oh, you put the sparks to the flame
I've got your heart in my sights

Ooh-hoo, and nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Ooh-hoo, and nobody knows it
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
Ooh-hoo.. I gave you my heart

Don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my heart

Ooh-hoo, and nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
Ooh-hoo.. I gave you my heart

Don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
(Don't go breakin' my, don't go breakin' my)
Don't go breaking my heart

black boogers and chartreuse loogies

yesterday was the first day in a week that i didn't feel like shit. the achiness that permeated my body since last friday was finally gone and i was once again able to breathe with both nostrils and not have to constantly wipe at the damn appendage. wait, is a nose an appendage? not to make excuses but with being sick and being in austin the other week, the bibimbop has been pretty bare bones of late. please allow this entry to remind you of the spirit of bibimbop.

the men's final four is coming up this weekend and i'm not as interested as i have been in past years. the lowest seed left in the tournament is MSU and they knocked off my blue devils in the sweet sixteen, so i'm having a hard time rooting for them. however, the spartans' play against duke in the second half was truly outstanding, with sharp passing and fluidity in the paint that the blue devils were lacking. so who's left to root for? certainly not carolina. and definitely not any team fronted by rick pitino. that just leaves the fightin' illini. i think i'm content with that pick.

i did manage to catch the last two minutes of the NIT final last night, which was some of the most exhilerating, nail biting, can't-stand-to-look-at-the-tv-screen basketball all season. the final 20 seconds were amazing - a saint joseph's player hit a three-pointer to tie the game, only to have a south carolina player take the inbounds pass (of what would be the game's final possession) and drop a bucket with ease as the seconds ticked off.

on the comestibles tip, i am happy to report that bacon shipment #3 arrived the other week while i was in austin. blake in the shipping department took good care of it and immediately placed it in the refridgerator. it was another round of hickory smoked goodness, this time from the fine folks at Bear Creek in Texas. the bacon was smaller in length than previous shipments and also a bit wider. the sticker on the package annouced "great for frying," which i'm sure it would have been, but i cooked it in the oven, as i do all my bacon. i broiled up the entire package, along with some leftovers from bacon shipment #2 and brought it to amy and jenny's easter brunch, where it was consumed in record time. bacon is the great unifier!

recently, the listmaker and i had some drinks at the game with deborah who we had not seen since right after our wedding. we love the gate because it is about 30 feet from our front door and we are lazy and don't like leaving our apartment. i went up to get drinks and this girl who is sitting alone at the bar makes eye contact with me. she looked like a bizarro version of someone who could have been bjork's second cousin. anyway, i wasn't sure if she was just overly friendly or hitting on me but she introduces herself to me and we chat while i wait for the head on my old speckled hen to settle and then i realize she's just totally crazy. once the niceties are over, she asks me to buy her drink for her so that the bartender will give her back her license. of course that makes no sense and i just gave her a "did you really ask me that" look and said that i didn't have enough money to cover her. i went back to our little table with our drinks and a few moments later, bizarro bjork cousin comes up, introduces herself to the rest of our table and points to an empty chair and asks if she minds her joining us. we all hem and haw and i try to deflect her with, "well, we're just talking shop," but she doesn't care and just plops her ass down, introduces herself and doesn't stop talking.

she was obviously fucked up on something, but also seemed aware enough of what she was doing, which we tried to figure out throughout the course of the evening. after about 15 minutes of her life story, we're all pretty much done with this girl. all our fake enthusiasm has been used up and she finally takes the hint and leaves the table. not before she punches me in the arm three of four times. normally, we all agree after she leaves, we'd be pretty amused by someone like her, but not when you're trying to catch up with friends who you never get to see. we saw her hop from table to table, trying to find some poor sap to pick up her bar tab for the night, which i'm sure she eventually did.

finally, in the good news category, it looks like Tonic has reached its fundraising goal and will remain open. let's hope they fix the bathrooms quick, becaue peeing in a portapotty in an indoor space, knowing it's not being emptied or cleaned, is really not pleasant.