what's wrong with televison today or why i should be on the gilmore girls

it amazes me that there are actually a number of korean characters on the handful of television shows i watch. i'm not counting all the programs on the food network and animal planet, but honest-to-goodness, network programs that are shown in prime-time. what i'm talking about here are the koreans featured on lost and gilmore girls. i think this is wonderful, i really do. these characters are regulars - they're on just about each week and it makes me happy to know that producers and writers are acknowledging the fact that asians are just as fucked up as everyone and would make for just as interesting character.

of course i still have problems with this. for instance, on my dear gilmore girls there's the character of lane kim. her mother (momma kim) is super religious and has installed this fleeting fear of god in her. she's commanding, strict, unreasonable, completely anti anything secular - all that fun stuff that made my adolesence just as charming. lane reacts to this by hiding new pornographers and young marble giants cds under floorboards. brilliant. ok, so here's my problem. why are both these characters played by japanese-american actresses? surely there were korean actresses who auditioned for the roles of lane and mamma kim. where they really that awful? alright, so they hire non-koreans to play korean. i guess i can live with that. but what i can't live with is why their korean accents are so terrible. are they not getting their scripts in advance so they can practice enunciating and rolling their tongues? don't get me wrong, i love kyoko agena and emily kuroda - i think they are both formidable in their roles. i just wish they would have made mama - i just realized i spelled mama differently each time i've written it - less ethnic so kuroda could get away with having such an awful accent. so like i say, i can live with this for the most part, but then they introduce lane's cousin from korea, kyon, and it has me flying off the handle.



i don't know the background of the actress who plays kyon. i'm pretty sure she's korean but who knows. she speaks halting english as a second language and winds up sounding like the swedish chef from the muppets. argh! i just read some spoilers and she's going to be on another episode! why can't it be me? slap some pancake on my face, let the lighting offer up some trickery and i'd be good to go, right? my english and korean are horrible - i'd be perfect for the part. i want to eat hamburgers at luke's diner and not shop at the cat shop because i am allergic to cats. i want to have bible study class with lane and have her introduce to me the world of fried foods. seriously, how can i get on this show? if you know someone who knows someone else, help me out here. i think i could do a great job. ok, a passable job. i really can't act for shit, but i can definitely talk with a bullshit korean or english accent. the one thing i am decent at is imitations! ask stone groove - he told me that over thanksgiving and i think i'd agree. maybe i could meet lane on friendster or myspace and we can trade bootlegs with each other. maybe we can meet at the korean church mixer our parents have forced us to attend where i notice the great buzzcocks pin on lane's bag and we become friends. or maybe i could play dave rygalski's new girlfriend.

alright, now on lost, they cast daniel dae kim in the role of jin. he and his wife, played by yunjin kim, no relation, are korean. we are led to believe they do not speak english until a half dozen episodes in when yunjin's character opens her mouth and english comes spilling out. holy shit. but that's not my point. daniel dae kim speaks korean all throughout the episodes (he does not know his wife speaks english and for all we know, he may as well) and his korean accent is terrible. through my dilligent surfing of the internet, i learned that this actor was born in korea, but came to america when he was about 2 years old. kind of like my brother, only my brother's korean accent is WAY better than kim's. my brother should be on this show! and i could be on gilmore girls and we could be like the korean version of the gyllenhaals!

so if you're out there, consider giving me a chance.

g'amsah hap'ni dah.

Park Slope Gastronome #6.5

in the past two days, i have consumed about 14 slices of bacon. the majority was eaten during a post-thanksgiving brunch in silver spring, md. bacon rules.

**blogger hates bacon and it giving me all sorts of trouble in trying to post this.

the best bacon, egg and cheese on a roll, ever

for breakfast this morning, i made the best bacon, egg and cheese on a roll, ever. i started off by broiling a few slices of niman ranch bacon in the toaster oven last night so i wouldn't have to worry about it this morning. i was worried at first that the thick, smokey pieces were too fatty, but upon cooking, all the extra fat had rendered out, leaving three inch strips of cured pork goodness. this morning, i warmed up a small loaf of bread that i had purchased from blue apron foods on sunday. it was similiar to a ciabatini, but had more rise to it. the few moments in the toaster oven restored the chewiness of the inside and crust. i cut the loaf in half and spread a tiny bit of QP mayo on one side. i laid a few pieces of green leaf lettuce leftover from last night's dinner salad atop the mayo'ed side. in the skillet, i gently cooked one beaten organic brown egg until it settled and then with a not so adept flick of the wrist, flipped the egg over. on top i added a kraft single. ok, pick up your jaw from the floor. i love melted american cheese. i love its texture when it's warm and oozy. i let the cheese warm up for a few seconds and then took the pan off the heat and slid its contents on and over the lettuce pieces. on the other slice of bread i placed the slices of bacon and then i put the two halves together and wrapped it up in parchment paper. i ate it at my desk when i got into work. it was an ever so delicious way to start the day. if i had a digital camera, i would post a photo right here. instead, i give you a link!

free toy from acetaminophen makers

tylenol's ouch campaign is running a rad giveaway starting this friday. if you're in the new york city, los angeles or san francisco area, download a coupon from ouchthewebsite and bring it to a participating store (in nyc, this would be kid robot in soho and toy tokyo in the east village - above the pomme frites and sushi place) and redeem it for one of three limited edition vinyl toy designed by ron rege jr. they've been produced by the very wonderful critterbox, who are behind the well-made tim biskup toys that everyone was eating up at kid robot on friday evening during the book signing for vinyl will kill. only 3,500 pieces were made in total so screw black friday and get your ass over to one of these stores.

ouch twins before and after:

Park Slope Gastronome #6

oh moutarde, how did we ignore you for this long? as previously noted on the park slope gastronome, we've detailed a number of disappointing brunches in our neighborhood. with recently transplanted brooklynites dave and jennifer in town from LA, we wanted to brunch at a nearby establishment that wouldn't break our hearts. the four of us wound up at moutarde, a(nother) french bistro on 5th avenue. when dan figured out where we were going, he groaned, "this place?" not like he's ever even eaten there!

we are greeted by friendly workers who whisk us away to our table in the back. as we take our seats, we are given shot glasses of freshly made fruit juice (strawberry, in this case) garnished with a chunk of canteloupe. we are already having a better experience even if the busboy spilled water on me! i ordered the wild mushroom and goat cheese omelette, as did dave and jennifer. dan could not stray from his habit of ordering french toast, so that's what he did. the trio of omelettes arrived before the french toast and the waitress was aghast and apologetic and asthamtic. just kidding about the last thing - that my have been me. dave had also ordered a side of toast, which turned out to be a basket of toast, plump butter croissants and mini chocolate croissants. thanks to dave's mysterious aversion to flaky deliciousness, dan and i got to eat the mini-cho-cros. yum!

i'm getting tired of typing so let's just wrap things up. the food lovely and the service was delightful. thank you moutarde.

Food: A
Service: A

rappers i thought were asian

up now, on timothy mcsweeney's internet tendency.

yah'gu 2004

i am married to a man possessed. from the end of march to the end of october, he is consumed by the sport of baseball. now don't get me wrong, i love baseball too, but i love the mets first and baseball second. dan loves baseball first and me second. ha ha. his favorite time of the year is when the playoffs begin, a period when he can see up to 4 games in a day. that is when i become a playoffs widow. it's a very lonesome time. i'm often relegated to the bedroom if i want to watch television. he gets the 40" bonanza, and i get the 10" black and white zenith with rabbit ears.

every year he does an end of season recap on baseball games he attended (along with seperate write-ups on the movies he watched and the music he listened to) because he is a sick, sick man. his baseball write-up is formattied a little differently this year; he's posting games on a daily basis, rather than giving us the entire recap at once.

so don't make a grown-man cry. go read his write-ups. check every day for updates. he works so hard on them.

fuck you ohio and florida

don't forget!